Wishing on a Star
by letthestarsfall
Summary: An AU take on Ruth and Jay's reunion in series 26. Overcoming the past and the challenges of the future.
1. Coffee and Kisses

I have been promising everyone a new fic for ages and here it finally is! This is my AU take on Ruth and Jay's reunion! I haven't a clue how long it will be but I want it to tackle a few of the storylines that the writes could have tackled if Ruth and Jay hadn't left! This is AU so no pregnancy, no fire and no Ruth and Jay leaving! Enjoy guys!

**Wishing on a Star**

**Chapter 1 – Coffee and Kisses**

It was strange how quickly they had fitted back together, like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that had just been clicked into place. It was almost as if they had never been apart. However things were still subtly different than before that evening in October although that was to be expected. It was like an unspoken agreement that both Ruth and Jay knew and accepted a lot of time had passed and things had changed. The past was like an elephant in the room with each of them having faced many tough times in the past year whilst they had been apart. Ruth hadn't talked to Jay much about her Bipolar and Jay still hadn't confessed about the cancer, even though Ruth knew she hadn't confessed this too him, their relationship was still innocent and they both knew things would be discussed when the time was right. Right now they were dealing with now, the present and being happy, although they were not ignoring the past they were not dwelling on it or the ghosts that haunted them.

Ruth's eyes shifted from the ceiling where they had been fixed as she reflected on the relationship that had been rekindled in the past week and onto the blankets beside her which were beginning to move. She smiled to herself as Jay emerged scruffy haired and baring a cheeky smile.

"Morning beautiful." He grinned as he ran an hand through his messy curls

She liked waking up with him. She smiled back. As she pulled herself up, she hadn't ever been as happy as she was right now. She felt that feeling in her stomach as she leant over and placed a light kiss on his lips causing a cheesy grin to spread across his face. She didn't even need to ask to know he was happy.

"I think we should spend the whole day in bed!" Jay said placing his arms under his head and watching Ruth expectantly as she stood up wearing one of his old t-shirts and an old pair of shorts.

"And I think we should get moving before both of us are late for work!" She shook her head and vanished out of the room as he wolf-whistled jokingly.

Ruth headed towards the kettle with her mind firmly fixed on a strong black coffee to get her ready for the day ahead. She set out two mugs and spooned coffee into both whilst she waited for the kettle to boil.

"You never change." Jay smiled from the doorway as Ruth looked up from mugs and smiled slightly

"I need coffee!" she smiled as he wandered over wrapping his arms around her waist

"Addict." He laughed before placing a kiss on her cheek

Ruth laughed slightly and pulled herself out of Jay's arms as the kettle finished boiling.

"You're no fun in the mornings!" Jay pouted slightly as Ruth filled both mugs and added a splash of milk and a spoon of sugar to Jay's before stirring expertly.

"That would be because I take my responsibilities seriously unlike some!" Ruth pointed out handing Jay his coffee

"Boring!" Jay coughed

"Boring is the new cool." Ruth stated before vanishing off towards her bedroom to get ready, coffee in hand.

"Keep trying to convince yourself of that!" Jay shouted after her

Ruth was ready in five minutes and spent the next ten tapping her foot as she waited impatiently for Jay to get ready. They headed out her small flat and towards the bus stop hand in hand. Ruth couldn't help but feel happy butterflies dancing in her stomach as they walked together and caught the bus. Jay fell silent as they got off outside the emergency department and Ruth's happy butterflies were replaced by nervous ones as they walked towards the department. She was still secretly finding every day a challenge, terrified about messing things up or relapsing. She couldn't help but want the comfort of Jay's hand holding hers as they walked side by side towards the entrance no matter how unprofessional it looked.

"How long do you want me to wait?" Jay asked immediately as he approached the infamous hedge that he had dubbed 'the hedgething' hedge and was the line that Ruth had drawn between their relationship and the emergency department back when their relationship first began.

"What?" Ruth snapped out of her thoughts and turned to face him taking a minute for her to realise where they were "Oh… yes… why don't we just go in together?"

"Seriously? I thought we were doing the secret thing again?" Jay asked "I wouldn't want to get in the way of your illustrious career!"

Ruth snorted

"Career? Jay I am hanging onto my career by my fingertips being sectioned does not go down well on a CV." Ruth pointed out "anyway it doesn't necessarily mean anything, people walk in to work together as friends all the time don't they?" Ruth rambled. Truth was she didn't even mind the idea of turning up with Jay, ok she'd rather not spread the fact they were a couple, it was unprofessional to be all over each other at work, but being friends with your colleagues wasn't such a bad thing. Plus having Jay by her side was reassuring.

"You know I will do whatever you want though?" Jay pointed out snapping Ruth back to reality

"I know." Ruth smiled "being friends with people at work doesn't hurt." She added

"Ok who are you and what did you do with Ruth Winters?" Jay asked with a small chuckle

"I guess my priorities have changed slightly, sometimes things you experience change everything…" she trailed off and Jay took her hand giving it a brief squeeze and letting it go once more knowing Ruth needed his comfort but would not want him to take the touchy feely stuff to far.

"Come on the past isn't the best thing to dwell on is it?" Jay said gently "Let's go make like Ruth Winters and treat lots of patients and drink lots of coffee."

Ruth appreciated the gesture and the kind words, she placed a quick kiss on his cheek and smiled slightly

"Thank you." She said simply appreciating his encouragement

"No problem." Jay replied "but we might want to start walking I'd hate to be the reason you are late!"

Ruth took a look at her watch and immediately turned towards the department leaving Jay to chuckle as he tried to keep up with her quickened pace.

Holby city emergency department was a busy place to work and today was no exception. The businesses of the department was exactly why Ruth liked it despite the fact it fell short of the goal of being a surgeon she had set herself. A couple of years ago she saw every patient as a new exciting challenge however these days every new patient was a frightening test of if she was good enough to be working. In her head every patient was a challenge to overcome not to be excited about. When a case was closed she still felt the same sense of accomplishment but whilst treating each patient she lived in fear that she would mess up or that she would relapse.

"Flying saucer for your thoughts?"

A voice cut across Ruth's thoughts as she stared blankly at the patients notes in front of her, she saw Jay offering her a half empty packet of flying saucers as he chewed one himself.

"Do you ever behave professionally?" She enquired shutting the patient's notes and raising an eyebrow at the nurse

"Nope." Jay responded proudly as she shook her head and started to walk off "Hey!" Jay jogged after her as nudged her with his elbow as he fell into place walking next to her "you can deny that you want flying saucer but you can't deny there is something on your mind, is everything ok?"

"Yes its fine." Ruth said simply "Just trying to decide the best course of treatment for my patient."

"Fair enough, I'm sure you'll figure it out Supergeek." Jay winked

"Thanks." Ruth smiled slightly knowing Jay had faith in her abilities helped sometimes. She was so scared about messing up sometimes that had begun to cloud her judgement and find her seeking approval from a more senior doctor before she dared to even administer a single paracetamol tablet to a patient.

She wondered once more why they had fallen into this unspoken agreement that their relationship was to remain secret. Maybe she wanted it to be a secret, she paused, did she? It was something that had crossed her mind several times. She was no longer ashamed of Jay in any way shape or form, in fact she was impressed that anyone wanted to be with her, she was after all a complete psycho who tried to cut someone's head open and she didn't have a track record for being the nicest person ever. She was the lucky that Jay even wanted to talk to her, he was way out of her league. She wanted to be proud of their relationship so what was holding her back besides herself? Maybe it was just easier she pondered as she entered the cubicle and maybe it would be less embarrassing when Jay finally realised that she wasn't good enough for him.

Ruth sighed confused by her own thoughts and pulled open the curtain, switching back into doctor mode the second her eyes laid on the patient in front of her, she didn't have time to sit and debate what was for the best right now she had patients to treat and that was a challenge on its own.


	2. Fear and Confidence

**Wishing on a Star **

**Chapter 2 – Fear and Confidence **

Breathing difficulties. Young patient. Not asthmatic. Chest infection? No. Other injuries, cuts and bruises. Patient lying about what happened? Possibly. Blunt trauma from something like seat belt? Likely.

"Ruth?" Jays voice snapped through Ruth's thoughts as she tried to work through the problem in her head.

"What?" Her bright blue eyes flicked up to meet his losing her train of thought as she blushed realising both Scarlett and Jay were waiting on her advice as to what to do next.

She tried to think quickly. Breathing difficulties caused by a blunt trauma to the chest.

"Oxygen." She said simply and Jay nodded setting up the breathing mask "Full examination, bloods and a scan." She added before turning on her heel and walking away frustrated and nervous in case she had made the wrong decision by making it so quickly. This was not her. She was not slow about decision making.

She sighed as she walked down the corridor. The fear of getting it wrong was actually making her more likely to get it wrong as she found herself scared to make decisions.

"Ruth?"

Ruth ignored Jay's voice calling after her as she walked towards the staffroom.

"Ruth are you ok?" Jay asked jogging to catch up with her

She sighed, frustrated with herself.

"I'm fine." She found herself snapping back irritably

"Ok." Jay sighed looking a little forlorn

"Sorry." Ruth apologised turning to him "I just have to be careful not make the wrong decision. It's hard enough without everyone rushing me."

"I'm not trying to rush you in a bad way Ruth, I know it's hard but I know you can do it your still getting back into the swing of things."

"And how long is getting back into the swing of things going to take?" Ruth sighed "Sometimes… sometimes I just don't think I am cut out to be a doctor anymore." She headed off as fast as he legs could carry her without running leaving Jay behind her.

Jay watched her go sadly and slightly worried, no one was perfect but Ruth had actually being doing well at work from a professional point of view, 9 out of 10 patients she had treated she had treated like she had never left, albeit more cautiously, she hadn't put a foot wrong. Looks can be deceiving. Jay sighed, how useless was he? He thought she was slowly getting used to being back at work and that it phased her much less than before. He hadn't even noticed she was still struggling. He wasn't sure what to do for the best, he cautiously headed after her hoping he could be of some help.

It didn't take Jay long to find Ruth. He knew there were only two places she might be, the staff room or her favourite bench tucked in a more private corner of the hospital grounds. With the staff room empty his powers of deduction led him to the bench where Ruth was staring at her shoes as she kicked the ground.

"You should have said." Jay said simply making Ruth look up at him. "Asking for help isn't really your style though is it?" he asked sitting down next to her "Ruth everyone in the department is here to support you and we all know it's hard for you, I know it's hard for you, but please trust me you have nothing to worry about, no one knows everything but all that information that made you such an insufferable no it all before is still in there!"

"I'm just scared." Ruth admitted "What if I get it wrong? I can see the headlines, bipolar doctor kills patient, doctor tries to slice patients head open is allowed back and kills someone…"

"You are not going to kill anyone. We work in an emergency department. People die on us every day but you won't cause their death, you try everything you can to save them. Treating patients is almost instinctive for you, you know what to do you just won't admit it to yourself sometimes!" Jay tried to reassure her "

"But what if I chose the wrong course of treatment Jay?" Ruth asked sounding worried

"There is always that risk, for every doctor and every nurse there is always that risk but it is not even trying to help the patient that is the biggest cause of concern." Jay pointed out "You work things through and I think you'll find all the answers in your own head but when it's a complex case and you're not 100% sure that's when asking another doctor is a good idea and when there is no harm in asking a second opinion."

"Working here… being an emergency department doctor is probably the best position I am going to get now…. If I mess it up…" Ruth explained nervously

"You will not mess it up! If anyone is capable of treating patients well it is you!" Jay pointed out "Maybe some revision would help you feel more confident?" Jay suggested "Because it is just that Ruth. Confidence. You are a good doctor who doesn't believe in herself."

Ruth nodded accepting every word Jay had said, he put his finger on it, she had treated a lot of patients successfully after she returned to work, surely that was a sign that she could do it.

"Do you think I will ever stop thinking this way?" she suddenly asked Jay looking up into his eyes. Jay could see faint marks where tears had trickled down her cheeks and his heart leapt every inch of him just wanting to hold her and fix everything even her thoughts.

"Yes. I think you just need to build your confidence." Jay reassured her, he refrained from wrapping his arms around her just in case someone saw and he made things worse, he instead slipped his fingers between hers and she looked up at him and nodded slightly.

"I should have talked to you sooner." Ruth confessed

"Maybe you do tend to try and cope with things on your own that you shouldn't have to cope with alone." Jay pointed out "Sometimes you might have a problem and not want to talk right away and sometimes you might have a problem and really want to talk about it. Whenever you want to talk I am always here Ruth." Jay said simply

"I know." Ruth nodded

"Always." Jay smiled squeezing her hand tightly


	3. Familiar Faces

**Wishing on a Star **

**Chapter 3 – Familiar Faces **

Ruth was beginning to feel reassured. It was nice knowing Jay had her back although he had laughed hysterically for a good five minutes when he had come around the day following their conversation and spotted her living room was covered with hand written notes on how to treat problems such as a dislocated elbow or asthma. Thankfully the cheeky nurse had quickly redeemed himself by pointing out that it was good idea even if it was a little comical that her bland living room was decorated with nothing besides notes about how to treat a patient. It was working though, going back over some of her more basic textbooks had helped her refresh her memory.

It wasn't long until she found herself facing a much bigger challenge than the slow paced world of cubicles. It was a particularly quiet shift. Ruth had been watching from a distance as Jay challenged Noel to a game of 'throw the scrunched up bit of paper into the bin from the furthest distance possible' when Nick approached her.

"Doctor Winters, just the person I wanted to see!"

Ruth turned around to see Nick stood eying her intently.

"How do you fancy doing something a bit more challenging for a while?" he enquired

"I…" Ruth immediately bit back the nerves remembering Jay's words of reassurance "Sure." She liked to get into good books and knowing she would be winning brownie points by doing whatever Nick asked certainly made her keener to say yes.

"I have to do some paper work, I would like you to be in charge of resus for a couple of hours." He said simply "Ok?"

"Yes Mr Jordan." Ruth replied robotically despite a sudden wave of fear and nerves flooding her body.

"It has been quiet today so it shouldn't be too busy." He stated simply

"Ok." Ruth nodded

"It's about time this paper work got done, let me know if you need me!" he said simply and Ruth nodded as he vanished.

She took one look at the double doors and bit her lip. She could do this couldn't she?

Ruth turned to see if Jay was still loitering hoping to catch him alone to tell him what Nick had asked and hopefully gain his support but her heart fell as she spotted Tess dragging him off to cubicles obviously looking displeased about the fact he was doing nothing when he could have been doing something. She sighed. It would be much simpler if everyone knew about their relationship, she still wouldn't know what to say if she did chase after him but she could do it without worrying about what her colleagues would think.

She looked back down at the patient's notes in her hand tapping them so the pages were all level. It couldn't be that bad anyway. Mr Jordan wouldn't have asked her to do it if he didn't think she could and he had said it was quiet.

Famous last words. It was only five minutes later the double doors crashed opened and in came Dixie and Jeff wheeling a trolley. Ruth bit her lip took as deep breath and stepped forwards only to be shocked to recognise the patient in front of her.

"Maryam Shakiba, suspected broken arm and bruising from a fall at home." Jeff explained

Ruth was speechless she waved her arm to direct Dixie and Jeff to put Maryam into bay two as Charlie and Scarlett joined them.

"She seems a bit shaken…" Dixie started as they all helped move Maryam onto the bed.

"I am here you know!" Maryam croaked irritably

"Thank you Dixie." Ruth nodded before turning to Scarlett "Get Staff Nurse Faldren."

"Nurse Summers?" Maryam enquired as Ruth stepped closer trying to focus on what to do first.

Ruth nodded and Charlie looked slightly bemused as she began to remove the temporary support the paramedics had applied to Maryam's arm. It was surprising that as soon as she got stuck in her mind instantly clicked into action telling her things to look for and ask. However Ruth couldn't be more thankful that Maryam was not in a critical state, partially as she was sure her brain would instantly freeze at the sight of a critical patient and she was terrified she may kill someone and partially because she didn't want Maryam to be critically ill for Jay's sake.

"How did this happen?" Ruth enquired as she checked Maryam over

"I just tripped over my own feet, such silly old fool!" he chuckled slightly before breaking down into a mini coughing fit

"Did you fall unconscious or anything when you fell?" Ruth checked as she took her pulse. "Do you remember it all?"

"Every last detail, my body may be that of an eighty year old but my mind sharp as a teenager!" Maryam said simply as Ruth instructed Charlie to arrange an x-ray

"And how is the COPD?" Ruth asked

"Gradually getting worse but that is to be expected." Maryam said simply and factually, Ruth was a little shocked with how blunt she was about the situation but not completely surprised Maryam obviously knew her time was limited and she didn't want to dwell on it or lie to herself "How about you dear, how are you doing?" she asked as Ruth tried to focus on examining the arm deciding it was definitely broken

"Ok thank you." Ruth nodded guessing Jay might have told his Nan she had been ill too. She stopped. Initial check-up over she was suddenly unsure of what to do next.

"Are you going to apply a temporary support until we can get up to x-ray?" Charlie asked interrupting Ruth's moment of panic

"Yes, yes I am." Ruth nodded quickly setting to work

"Jamshid never shuts up about you." Maryam confessed as Ruth applied the support

Ruth turned bright red at this comment and was thankfully saved from forming a response by Jay himself bursting into resus.

"Nan? what the hell happened!" He asked his face white as a sheet

"I'm fine Jamshid! That irritating neighbour sticking her nose into everything as usual!" Maryam commented irritably

"Nan you've broken your arm by the looks of things!" Jay pointed out before turning to Ruth "Have you checked her bloods, oxygen, arranged an x-ray…" Jay began to real off the list of treatments his Nan needed Ruth suddenly found herself feeling a little frustrated by his lack of trust when she was treating someone he cared about but she shook it off knowing he was only worried about his Nan.

"She couldn't have been more thorough." Charlie chipped in "X-ray will be ready in five minutes."

"The main injury is her arm, she has some minor bruising and her chest isn't so good but I have already put her on extra oxygen and we couldn't expect it to be any better with the COPD and the shock of the fall." Ruth explained her clinical head firmly in place feeling proud of herself for coping so well despite the patient being familiar.

Jay relaxed slightly and nodded taking his Nan's hand.

"I thought I told you to be careful!" he said simply

"I was being careful Jamshid!" Maryam immediately jumped in "But the chores won't do themselves whilst you are off gallivanting!"

"I should have been there…" Jay sighed as Charlie announced that they were ready to take Maryam up to x-ray

Ruth watched as Jay helped Maryam into a wheelchair. She couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt. Jay had been at hers that night, she had never really thought about Maryam having to cope without her grandson whenever he visited her. Was it her fault that Maryam had fallen and hurt herself? Logically Ruth tried to tell herself it wasn't but inside her heart fell unable to think about anything other than her role in the events that build up to Maryam ending up in the hospital.

It wasn't long until Jay, Charlie and Maryam returned from x-ray. a simple fracture had been identified and Ruth found herself bandaging the older lady's arm into a plaster cast whilst Jay announced he was going to fetch her a cup of tea whilst Charlie headed to cubicles to check on a patient.

"You're quiet dear." Maryam commented noting Ruth's change in attitude as she returned to the quiet resus to have her arm bandaged

"Sorry I am just trying to make sure I do a good job." Ruth half lied, she was focusing hard on making sure the bandage was applied correctly.

"Are you sure there's not something else on your mind?" Maryam asked "A problem shared is a problem halved." She pointed out with a small smile

"It's nothing really." Ruth lied

"If it was nothing it wouldn't be playing on your mind." Maryam said simply

"It's my fault you are in here." Ruth confessed looking up from the plaster she was applying "Jay was with me last night."

"Don't be so silly dear." Maryam shook her head "actually I am relieved to hear he was with you. When he started to go out along more I was worried, I was concerned he was out in pubs or clubs with god knows who."

"No he was with me." Ruth confirmed "We're… we're sort of going out again"

"Well it's about time!" Maryam smiled "The way he talks about you, I have not heard him talk about anyone like that."

"We haven't really told anyone yet, we're taking it slow." Ruth confessed

"Well I am happy for you." Maryam smiled "It's been a tough year for both of you hasn't it?" she asked

"Yes it has." Ruth nodded slightly as Jay burst back into resus with a cup of tea in his hand

"One cup of tea fresh from the glorious machines in reception." He announced oblivious to the conversation he had interrupted "Is your arm back in one piece yet?" he asked Maryam offering her good arm the paper cup. Ruth couldn't help but smile at his ability to see the light and make a joke about any situation.

"Not quite but your girlfriend here is doing a good job aren't you dear?" Maryam said simply making Ruth blush a deep shade of red as Jay eyed her up with a small smile surprised but pleased she had felt comfortable enough to confess to his Nan that they were together again.

"She better be!" He smiled as Ruth finished the bandage and wandered over to the counter to tidy up. Jay followed her shuffled his feet a bit looking slightly awkward.

"Sorry for quizzing you earlier." He apologised "I probably didn't help your confidence did I?"

"Well no but it's your Nan and you only wanted the best treatment for her." Ruth shrugged as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek.

"Thanks for taking care of her; she couldn't have had a better doctor." He said quietly with a small smile heading back over to Maryam's bedside. Ruth couldn't help but smile at Jay's words and the scene in front of her. Some people might have thought that Jay was a bit of an idiot incapable of being serious but right now he was showing the world the sensitive grown up side of him that Ruth loved best.


	4. Facing the world

**Wishing on a Star **

**Chapter 4 – Facing the world**

Ruth idly stirred her coffee, her mind firmly fixed on her relationship with Jay. The more time she spent with him the more she wanted let the world see that she was happy, that life was finally getting good and that she loved Jay. Confessing to Maryam that they were a couple once more the day before had only strengthened Ruth's want to let the world know. However with the exposure of their relationship would make it more official and would bring the gossip something Ruth hated. Lost in her thoughts she didn't notice that she had been stirring the same cup of coffee for the last five minutes as she debated the pros and cons of not hiding her relationship or the fact that Charlie had walked into the staffroom behind her.

"Something on your mind?"

His comment snapped her from her trance and she took the spoon from the coffee and placed it in the sink.

"Not really." She shrugged

"Are you sure about that?" Charlie asked he had spent quite a lot of time with the young doctor during her time in the psychiatric unit and had gotten to know when something was playing on her mind "I always have a spare ear or two if you need to talk about something." He said kindly

"I'm just debating something, it's nothing really…" Ruth shook her head slightly. Ruth had learnt to share her feelings during her stay in the psych ward and she had also learnt to trust and respect Charlie but that didn't stop her flinging her defences up when faced with a conversation with someone even Jay.

"Are you getting on ok with the work load?" Charlie enquired off-handedly "You seemed a little nervous yesterday in resus." He stated honestly

"Yes." She replied immediately before sighing slightly "Well I'm still a bit wary I might do something wrong but I am trying to get my confidence back" She confessed letting her defences down slightly "Not that it is work that is distracting me." She added simply

"You are capable of treating every patient that walks through those doors Ruth, you are a good doctor you just need to believe in yourself." Charlie reassured her "Don't tell me the reason you're staring off into space and over-stirring your coffee comes in the form of a certain dark curly haired nurse?"

"How…?" Ruth started blushing almost as red as the stethoscope hanging around her shoulders

"I see the way he looks at you." Charlie smiled slightly "He really cares about you."

"I know." Ruth was unable to contain the smile that was slowly spreading across her face "Part of me wants to tell the world but part of me is scared about making it official and about being gossiped about."

"Are you happy?" Charlie said simply

"Yes." Ruth nodded immediately

"Well then I'd say it's something to celebrate not something to hide away or be scared of." Charlie smiled "People will always gossip in this department but does that they say really matter?"

"No I guess not." Ruth nodded with a smile creeping across her face

""You've both had a tough year I'm glad that you've sorted things out, it's nice to see you happy." Charlie commented

"It's nice to be happy." Ruth commented shyly as the staffroom door opened and Scarlett walked in "Thanks Charlie."

"Anytime Ruth." Charlie nodded

Charlie was right Ruth smiled as she sipped her coffee, this relationship was something to celebrate, the positive outcome of a tough year. She should stop worrying and get on with it and be happy. She didn't think she would be standing up and making an announcement to the world but if people saw they were together wouldn't be a total disaster. It was not a bad thing to be in a relationship. It was not a bad thing to be happy.

It was a rather shocked Jay who received a kiss on the cheek when he arrived at work half an hour later.

"What was that for?" Jay asked as Ruth blushed noticing Zoe and Dylan looking in their direction.

"Good morning to you too." Ruth smiled

"You're chirpy this morning, someone spike your coffee?" Jay commented and Ruth placed her patient's notes on the counter, he leaned closer "I thought you wanted us to say secret…"

"I decided something's need to be celebrated not ignored…" She said simply "I'm not making an announcement but why is it anyone's business if we are happy? We are Happy aren't we?" she added cautiously

"Very." Jay smiled "I'm happy with whatever you are happy with." He said resting his hand on hers and squeezing it gently.

"I'm more than happy." Ruth confessed.

"Then I am more than happy too." Jay smiled back "But I better get my scrubs on before I get lynched!" Ruth laughed as he vanished in the direction of the staffroom

"That was sickening." Dylan's comment drifted across from the other side of the nurse's station and Zoe smacked him with a patient's notes offering Ruth a friendly smile.

"Back together then?" Lenny asked bluntly

"Yeah, we are." Ruth smiled picking up her patients notes and heading off to cubicles with a tingly happy feeling in her stomach deciding things really couldn't get any better.


	5. The thorn stuck between two roses

**Wishing on a Star **

**Chapter 5 – The thorn stuck between two roses **

Jay couldn't help but smile as Ruth returned from the kitchen and curled up next to him on the sofa. If anyone had told him a few years ago that he would be on this way to settling down with a girl he would have laughed in their face but here he was in what was fast becoming a serious relationship with Ruth, happy and content. His three rules were well and truly thrown out the window as he didn't just stay for breakfast but often for lunch and tea too, well when he wasn't rushing back to his Nan's. He loved his Nan and he loved taking care of her but he also wanted to spend some time with Ruth too, it was becoming more of a juggling act as his Nan became more and more frail. She didn't have long left, a year if she was lucky and she needed him, not that she'd have admitted that. Ruth however was still getting used to living with bipolar, she would never admit it but Jay knew she was not as strong as the front she put up made her seem, she needed his support too. Nothing was ever simple.

"You're worrying about your Nan again aren't you?" Ruth asked cutting across Jay's thoughts looking up at him with a look of concern. They had been watching a movie but Jay's mind had not been on it at all instead his mind was fixed on his Nan and Ruth and how he could be not only the best grandson but also the best boyfriend at the same time.

"A little." Jay admitted with a shrug

"It's ok to be worried about her." Ruth tried to comfort him knowing Jay hated to show his emotions in much the same way she did.

"I know." Jay sighed "She looked after me since I was five." He admitted "Yet I can't even repay her by looking after her properly now. She says she doesn't want me to give up my life to look after her but I feel so guilty getting on with things… you know?"

Ruth nodded lost for words she knew Jay and his Nan were close but she hadn't realised she had raised him.

"I should go." He sighed hugging Ruth closer as if he didn't want to leave "I know I keep running out on you but if anything ever happened…"

"I understand." Ruth nodded

"I'm sorry…" Jay apologised as he stood up leaning down and kissing her gently on the forehead

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Please don't let me get in the way of being with your Nan." Ruth said simply

"You're not in the way." Jay assured her "But she needs me and I don't want to let her down." He added with a sigh "I'll see you at work."

Ruth watched him go with a hint of sadness. Her apartment felt cold and lonely without him but she knew Maryam needed Jay much more than she did.

Jay stepped off the bus and kicked the ground as he wandered up to his front door feeling guilty for leaving Ruth. He felt completely torn between the two women in his life. He pulled out his keys and fumbled with the lock wishing he could just merge the two worlds into one so he could be with both his Nan and Ruth at the same time.

"I'm home!" He called as he shut the door behind him and stepped into the warm house.

This house had been Jay's home since he was four ever since the death of his father had ripped apart his mother's world, or so he had been told. As his eyes met with a photo of himself, a cheeky looking seven year old with his arms around his three year old sister, hung proudly on the wall he couldn't help but think back about all the trouble he had caused over the years and how much he owed his Nan for caring for him throughout.

"I made you tea but it might be cold." Maryam said as Jay stepped into the living room and spotted her in her favourite chair

"Nan you shouldn't be doing that!" Jay sighed

"What else am I supposed to do? Get square eyes from watching this television all day?" Maryam asked sarcastically "At least I can still make tea."

Jay sighed slightly, he couldn't wrap her up in cotton wool, she still had to have her independence but that didn't stop him from worrying.

"I just don't want you getting hurt Nan." He confessed

"I know Jamshid." Maryam nodded "it's kind of you to want to keep me safe but I do not want to become a vegetable who spends their day in front of the television just yet!"

Jay nodded appreciating his Nans want to be as independent as possible whilst she still could.

"Wouldn't mind a cup of tea though." She smiled slightly and Jay smiled back

"Coming right up." He nodded heading through to the kitchen. He put his dinner, homemade stew, in the microwave and flicked the kettle on.

As soon as it was made he took the cup of tea and the reheated food through to the living room passing the drink to his Nan and settling on the sofa he found his mind wandering to Ruth as he watched yet another repeat of who wants to be a millionaire. He didn't even realise Maryam had been asking him if he was working the following day.

"Your mind is on your girlfriend." Maryam pointed out loudly with a little smile as Jay suddenly turned to face her realising she had been speaking "If I wasn't here you would be off out enjoying yourself with her…" she sighed slightly

"Nan I don't care honestly and she doesn't mind either, she knows you are important too." Jay explained honestly thankful Ruth was as understanding as she was.

"I don't want to be the spare wheel in your relationship! Just when things get good for you I become a weight around your shoulders! You don't need this." Maryam said sadly

"Nan Ruth understands why I am not free as much as I could be, she wants you to be ok too." Jay said simply putting his empty plate on the coffee table

"But that girl needs you just as much!" Maryam pointed out

"I know she does. I wish I could be there for you both twenty four seven but right now you have to be my main priority Nan, although you are still a little independent I don't want me being absent to ever be the reason you get hurt ever again. You raised me Nan, I owe you the world." Jay explained simply

"You owe me nothing Jamshid, I am just glad that despite your rebellious moments you have grown up to be a respectful and caring young gentleman. That is repayment enough." Maryam told Jay.

"You still need me Nan, Ellie is too busy and you have no one else." Jay pointed out frustrated

"But I don't want to get in your way! I do not want to be a burden." Maryam explained

"You will never be that." Jay said honestly

"But I am, you need to spend time with your girlfriend not your Nan!" Maryam said simply

"I do spend time with her Nan as much as I can." Jay replied

"Not as much as you should though!" Maryam shook her head

"But I need to be here for you!" Jay argued

"And you need to be there for her too." Maryam said bluntly "I will not see you throw this away Jamshid! That girl is the best thing that ever happened to you, make sure you don't lose her! You always go over to hers so bring her here I don't mind! She makes you happy Jamshid, take advantage of that and enjoy it!"

"I suppose I could bring her over..." Jay sighed warily a little worried "I just don't want her to feel uncomfortable or to make you feel pushed out of your own house."

"Nonsense, I would like to see her and get to know her." Maryam said simply "And she will feel comfortable because she will feel welcome." She added "Bring her over."

"Are you sure?" Jay checked

"Sure as I can be." Maryam nodded.

It was a nervous Ruth that the following evening after work found herself being taken round to Jay's house. Jay let them in and Ruth immediately found herself examining her surroundings. She had been here once before, a long time ago, after the surgeon's dinner when she first stayed with Jay, she didn't spend a lot of time looking at the surroundings then admittedly and she blushed at the memory. The place was homely, it reminded Ruth of what she had imagined a family home should look like throughout her childhood with its old fashioned wall paper, random pictures and decorative items.

"Nan said she was going to cook us something." Jay announced breaking through Ruth's train of thought "I had intended to cook for you myself but she said it would be a disaster" jay blushed slightly "I am good at breakfasts and snacks but that's about it! She's amazing cook though." Jay babbled nervously Ruth smiled, bringing her home was obviously a big step to him and she loved how nervous it made him act, his confident cocky attitude had melted and the softer side to his personality was creeping out.

"Jamshid? Is that you?" Maryam's voice echoed through from the living room interrupting their conversation before Ruth could respond

"No Nan it's a robber who has the keys to the front door!" Jay replied jokingly as he led the way through to the living room where Maryam was sat in her favourite chair. Ruth stepped in behind him and nervously shuffled her feet.

"Nice to see you dear." Maryam smiled

"Nice to see you too." Ruth nodded politely but nervously

"Sit down and make yourself at home." Maryam insisted "Jamshid offer the girl a drink!"

Ruth smiled as Jay blushed at his Nan's order.

"Coffee?" He suggested to Ruth who nodded as he darted out the living room.

"How are you?" Maryam asked as Jay left the room Ruth bit her lip nervously

"Ok thank you, how about you?" Ruth asked politely

"Not too bad dear, old age related aches and pains but that's all the be expected." Maryam replied honestly

"Thank you for having me." Ruth nodded

"It is a pleasure dear, I don't get to leave these four walls and very often so it's nice to have someone other than Jamshid to talk to and the boy needs to spent more time with you, I can't have him neglecting you for my sake." Maryam said simply

"I don't mind, honestly." Ruth said simply "You need his help and I would feel bad if he was spending time with me whilst you needed him."

"I have never seen Jamshid as happy as he is with you, I don't want to come between you, that is why I suggested you come over here more often so he can spend time with you even though he is fussing over me." Maryam explained "Please make yourself feel at home here, you are always welcome."

"Thank you" Ruth nodded as Jay returned with two cups of coffee and a cup of tea for Maryam.

"Got him well trained." Maryam winked as she accepted her cup of tea and Ruth smiled.

Jay was surprised the evening went as well as it did. Ruth soon settled down and looked at home as she cuddled up next to him on the sofa. Maryam cooked them a spiced lamb dish that Jay loved and Ruth seemed to enjoy too and she had even added a finishing touch by instructing Jay to get some candles out. It was romantic down to the last detail.

"It's been a lovely evening." Ruth admitted as Jay returned from helping his Nan to bed.

"It has hasn't it?" Jay agreed sounding a little surprised. "Think you can put up with a few more like it so we can spend some more time together but I can be here for Nan?" He asked nervously as he settled back down next to her and Ruth snuggled up against his chest

"I think so." Ruth nodded and Jay kissed the top of her head.

"It's so nice to relax and spend time with you and not worry about Nan being alone." Jay admitted "You're really ok with this?" he checked

"Yes, more than ok, it's been really nice. It's nice not to be alone…" Ruth trailed off and Jay pulled her closer

"You always have me even if I am not stood right next to you." Jay said simply

"I know." Ruth leant into him

Jay couldn't help but feel a warm tingly sensation fill his body as he pressed the play button on the remote control and the movie they had selected begun to plan. He couldn't be happier right now. Things felt just right.


End file.
